STRANGE FIRE!

Strange Fire ... It has swept across our movement like a plague the past 20 years. If you don't know what it is, read the account of Nadab and Abihu in Levitus.

"And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took either of them his censer, and put fire therein, and put incense thereon, and offered strange fire before the Lord, which he commanded them not. And there went out fire from the Lord, and devoured them, and they died before the Lord. (Leviticus 10:1, 2 KJV)

I heard a man preach years ago that worship without repentance was strange fire, but I believe it goes way deeper than that. We live in a generation of Apostolics and Pentecostals (let's just be honest, they aren't the same thing anymore) that see no problem with walking into church with sin in their life and carrying on like it is "church as usual."

I'm not speaking of just the good ole' ain'ts either. We have men in this generation that literally think they are an extension of Levitical priesthood in the Gentile church age dispensation...and that they are "appointed by right of office" simply because an organization granted them a license, and they somehow cannot be inspected, corrected, rejected or replaced. That is a heresy among us, that if we don't break it out of our movement soon, will get us bypassed by the Holy Ghost faster than a freight train passing a hobo.

Since when does a position IN the church or body of Christ or even an organization position us to be beyond correction from anyone except our self-appointed bunch of deadbeat, half-backslidden buddies? How is it a man can get in the pulpit week after week, month after month, year after year and refuse the correction from the Holy Ghost, refuse to repent, reject all guidance in an area God has dealt with him repeatedly in for years, to the point he can't even hear from God anymore and we think he can't be removed after months of offering strange fire over the pulpit?

Since he hasn't done anything to tick off the local board or the good old boy network of his personally chosen organization of elitest, then he is in "good standing" and the saints just have to get over it and suck it up! Not in the coldest day.... Maybe it would be a good thing if we were an extension of Levitical priesthood...and our ministers had to get in the pulpit with bells and pomegranates on the hem of their garments and a rope on their ankle to pull them out of the building if God struck them dead for trying to minister before the Lord and the congregation with sin in their life! (500 funerals in one week across our movement might start a revival among us! Forget television debates UPCI & WPF, you couldn't beat the news crews out of your churches if God were to judge us like Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 3.)

Now we don't only allow strange fire over the pulpit, we allow our kids to do what they want in our churches. We even toss aside our doctrines while we sit back fat and happy and let them prostitute our movement into oblivion and lose the glory of God among us, like Eli the high priest did until God sent a little boy to correct and send judgement on the him and his entire family and offspring in 1Samuel 3 (I continue to give chapter and verse so the organization men can't say I'm not in the Book!). And now like in Samuel's twilight years, we appoint our sons as judges in offices God never called them to! Let that sink down into your ears and hearts for a bit.

Strange Fire has drastic consequences at every level, but especially on ministry.

I say this, having sat under men who openly admitted over the pulpit that God had not spoken to them in over a year, yet they continued pastoring on, preaching at conferences, revivals, BOT, and even General Conferences!

At one point, he even told me to get out of his church, that he was not my pastor, and I recounted a story from my childhood, while sitting in his office, about when a spitfire young preacher and evangelist came and preached our senior camp in Illinois, and he would charge hell with a water pistol, preaching to saint, sinner and preachers alike, even the district board! At a fireside consecration service in that same camp meeting, I had asked God for a double portion of that young preacher's anointing. I looked him straight in the eyes and told him that as Paul Harvey would call "the rest of the story," I didn't know 25 years later I would be standing in his church with him screaming in my face to get out of his assembly. He put his head down on his desk and bawled like a baby...but did not change!

God has a sense of humor though...4 years later he appeared at another camp meeting up in another district and in mid-message his first night he blurted out, "those of you preachers who kick people out of your local assemblies and somehow think you've kicked them out of the kingdom of God...well you're just and idiot!" He was bellow the platform in front of the pulpit and looked back 8 rows on the center aisle, and I was the only one standing clapping. His mouth dropped open and he stood there with a deer-in-the-headlights look for what seemed like an eternity. God can send correction even if you run a 1,000 miles from your pulpit and prayer closet!

One minister recently wrestled for a year, refusing to preach what God gave him for his church, attempting to slow things down and just teach every single service, or worse joke and cut-up in the pulpit with his nightly family comedy routine, ...until I walked in wounded one night and wept and prayed to God up high in the balcony, and said, "God, I need help tonight, so he either preaches in the anointing tonight or he gets out of the pulpit permanently!" He looked like someone stuck a red-hot poker to Porky Pig as something hit him in the pulpit and he bellowed like a bull and began to preach like a house on fire, jaws shaking and all red in the face, repeatedly telling the church he did not know what came over him, but that he didn't have a choice! The next week he went back to the same routine....

I stayed there for one more year before God allowed my job to take me on to another state, where two esteemed elders told me that I'll not run into the same nonsense any more...well at least not in their congregations...the other dozen or so churches in the region are another story.

These verses I have presented here keep echoing in my mind over and over...you know how it is if God has ever worked you over before about anything. As I am in transition until I fulfill what a couple district elders have directed me to do and visit every apostolic assembly in the area...which is a lot, so I have a lot of time on my hands. Trust me, it is worse that having an impatient kid in the back seat on a hundred mile drive...just won't leave me alone. ;-)

We need consecrated ministries, not self-absorbed narcissistic lifestyles. If our churches aren't growing we have a problem in the body. God cannot and will not bless strange fire, whether it be unconsecrated music ministry, preaching, worship, or even just our walk with God. Anything offered before Him must first pass through the consecrating fire of the sin offering of repentance and consecration. Fire from any other altar igniting our praise, worship, preaching, or living for God regardless of the degree of blessed talent it is offered with will be rejected by God, and the consequences are far-reaching, even to the second and third generation.

The Mantle and the Ephod

The Mantle and the Ephod

I’ve something rolling over and over in my spirit and it has been for years. I don’t know how this article will end up, nor who it is for, but I will try to do the best to say what I am feeling in my spirit to the best of my ability. With calls the past few years to men in state leadership across the US, the feeling has increased to the point that I’m sure where the Holy Ghost is pointing me to write.

Two years ago I felt the Holy Ghost speak to me one morning that the blood of the prophets was on the hands of the ministry of one particular organization of oneness Pentecostal people. As I have traveled and attended in various oneness organizations, I do not have much doubt about the accuracy of the particular organization He spoke to me of that day. Of all available assets, they have proven to be the one in the past few years that have given me the most grief.

In preparation to move to another state with the military unit I work for, I recently called two regional ministers to inquire of the type of ministries and churches they had in the area that I am moving to. I did this mainly to try and avoid the spiritual setbacks I’ve endured the past few years. During the duration of the conversation I inquired about prophetic ministries within their state, similar to the late, Bro. T.W. Barnes. I might as well have slammed my head into a cinderblock wall….

Talk about walking an iceberg into the conversation! You’d have thought a leper or someone with Ebola had asked them to lay hands on him and pray for him. The conversation ended very shortly after that question. I told both men of a prophesy I had heard the year before from a well-known evangelist in our circles, who prophesied to an entire state that God was going to restore 5-fold ministry to the Apostolic movement whether they wanted it or not. He got the same response at that camp meeting as I got on the phone with these two district bishops.

That being said, I give you the Mantle and the Ephod:

And take thou unto thee Aaron thy brother, and his sons with him, from among the children of Israel, that he may minister unto me in the priest's office, even Aaron, Nadab and Abihu, Eleazar and Ithamar, Aaron's sons. And thou shalt make holy garments for Aaron thy brother for glory and for beauty. And thou shalt speak unto all that are wise hearted, whom I have filled with the spirit of wisdom, that they may make Aaron's garments to consecrate him, that he may minister unto me in the priest's office.  And these are the garments which they shall make; a breastplate, and an ephod, and a robe, and a broidered coat, a mitre, and a girdle: and they shall make holy garments for Aaron thy brother, and his sons, that he may minister unto me in the priest's office. And they shall take gold, and blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine linen. And they shall make the ephod of gold, of blue, and of purple, of scarlet, and fine twined linen, with cunning work. It shall have the two shoulderpieces thereof joined at the two edges thereof; and so it shall be joined together. And the curious girdle of the ephod, which is upon it, shall be of the same, according to the work thereof; even of gold, of blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine twined linen. Exodus 28:1-8

I’ve been amazed at the great details of the tabernacle plan and the priesthood under Moses ever since my childhood. Here was a man who was called of God as a child, grew to manhood in the courts of Pharaoh, while refusing to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. This man, called of God to be a prophet, rose up and killed an Egyptian who rose up against one of his own Hebrew brothers, then fled after being pushed away by his own people to endure 40 years on the backside of the desert tending sheep for Jethro his father. Still, 40 years of running from God and the call of God on his life…did not stop him from being pulled back into service at the burning bush to rescue the people of God from Egypt and eventually anoint his own brother as the first high priest of the nation.

Prophetic and priestly ministry has always been intertwined, ordained of God for specific purposes in the ministry of the people of God. They have cords intertwined throughout the word of God that cannot be ignored. We are not under the Law of Moses anymore. Christ tore down the wall of partition by his death on the cross to make Jew and Gentile one people. Although some would say that modern apostolic ministry has their root in the Hebrew priesthood that simply is not true. Modern Apostolic ministry has it’s roots and examples in the book of Acts, a good 99% of our oneness movements no longer resemble biblical ordained ministry and have chosen to acquire a more Baptist model of leadership.

There was however something very powerful in the priestly ministry instituted in the Torah. From the earliest days when Moses poured the holy anointing oil over Aaron’s garments and vestments, the ministry of the ephod and the hierarchy of oneness ministry has had a power, authority and responsibility placed upon them.

And Aaron and his sons thou shalt bring unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and shalt wash them with water. And thou shalt take the garments, and put upon Aaron the coat, and the robe of the ephod, and the ephod, and the breastplate, and gird him with the curious girdle of the ephod: And thou shalt put the mitre upon his head, and put the holy crown upon the mitre. Then shalt thou take the anointing oil, and pour it upon his head, and anoint him. And thou shalt bring his sons, and put coats upon them. And thou shalt gird them with girdles, Aaron and his sons, and put the bonnets on them: and the priest's office shall be theirs for a perpetual statute: and thou shalt consecrate Aaron and his sons. Exodus 29:4-9

Shortly after the anointing of Aaron and his sons, Nadab and Abihu, violated the Law and offered strange fire to God. They were instantly slain. God’s judgment was speedy, dramatic and traumatic. You would think a people who saw the fire fall, saw the pillar of fire by night and the cloud by day, this people who had seen the fire stand between them and the Egyptians while they crossed over the Red Sea would have had this engraved in the core of their being by the incidents recorded in the word of God, but they did not. I submit that while we may look back on it in chagrin and shake our heads at our headstrong Israeli brethren, we are not much different!

But Samuel ministered before the LORD, being a child, girded with a linen ephod. Moreover his mother made him a little coat, and brought it to him from year to year, when she came up with her husband to offer the yearly sacrifice. And Eli blessed Elkanah and his wife, and said, The LORD give thee seed of this woman for the loan which is lent to the LORD. And they went unto their own home. And the LORD visited Hannah, so that she conceived, and bare three sons and two daughters. And the child Samuel grew before the LORD. Now Eli was very old, and heard all that his sons did unto all Israel; and how they lay with the women that assembled at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. And he said unto them, Why do ye such things? for I hear of your evil dealings by all this people. Nay, my sons; for it is no good report that I hear: ye make the LORD's people to transgress. If one man sin against another, the judge shall judge him: but if a man sin against the LORD, who shall intreat for him? Notwithstanding they hearkened not unto the voice of their father, because the LORD would slay them. And the child Samuel grew on, and was in favour both with the LORD, and also with men. And there came a man of God unto Eli, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Did I plainly appear unto the house of thy father, when they were in Egypt in Pharaoh's house? And did I choose him out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest, to offer upon mine altar, to burn incense, to wear an ephod before me? and did I give unto the house of thy father all the offerings made by fire of the children of Israel? Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering, which I have commanded in my habitation; and honourest thy sons above me, to make yourselves fat with the chiefest of all the offerings of Israel my people? Wherefore the LORD God of Israel saith, I said indeed that thy house, and the house of thy father, should walk before me for ever: but now the LORD saith, Be it far from me; for them that honour me I will honour, and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed. Behold, the days come, that I will cut off thine arm, and the arm of thy father's house, that there shall not be an old man in thine house. 1 Samuel 2:18-31

Where Nadab and Abihu were slain instantly, Hophni and Phineas were not. They not only stole sacrifices meant for the altars of God, meant to be burnt with fire on the altar, they were committing sexual sin with the women who gathered at the door of the tabernacle. The depth of this sin was magnified by not only their own actions, but that their father, high priest of the nation…knew about their sins and DID NOTHING to stop them! How like that generation we have become. For 8 years I have walked back among this organization, and of 8 incidents of ethical, moral and biblical correction brought before them, not one single time has any minister, sectional or district leader stepped forward to correct the sins brought before them by ministers licensed with their organization. God is against it.

I’m not talking about a paper cut. I’m talking about stealing from the offerings and tithes of a church, ministry refusing to judge matters before the church that covered up sin and unrighteousness, district officials refusing to even hear a complaint about sin, declaring their ministers were autonomous and unable to be corrected! I’ve seen heresy taught openly in the pulpit, ministers throw out holiness, godliness, separation, standards of modesty and dress, slander saints who worship God like our Apostolic forefathers, even tell their churches that worship was out of order. I’ve had pastors and evangelist alike try to grind axes of personal vendettas over the pulpit and attack over the pulpit to fulfill their own agendas.

I’ve even had backslidden ministers follow me not only from one church to another to slander me to the next pastor, but follow me completely out of district to another state, and contact other oneness organizations to lie on me and defame me in an effort to keep me from being used in the ministry. No, I did not take them to the board. I kicked the dust off my feet as a testimony against them and watched God shut down their ministries.

How can a minister in an organization be autonomous…completely self-ruling…with no one able to tell them what to do and what not to do? (Or at least they are until they upset the district board, or violated the feelings of the presbyter or district superintendent!)  (Please don’t get upset with me for saying that. Actually a preacher in the ALJC told me the same thing so blame him, not me. ;) )

In my travels I’ve had very humble men and women come to me in tears asking me how I put up with what I had gone through. I asked them what they were talking about and they read my mail to me and told me what God had showed them. They told me of ministers taking stands in their churches for men and women who offered large tithe checks, yet operating in a spirit of Jezebel in our churches, using false prophesies and counterfeit gifts in the church while the ministry, content to have the supernatural operating among them never bothered to check the message of the “prophet” against the word of God. Don’t argue with me about this. The man they warned me about was my own father-in-law, and they were dead on target! I’ll talk about the Jezebel spirit operating among us later on. It probably won’t be in this blog, but I’ll handle it before the week is out. Check back.

There has been among us for the past 30 years a growing resistance to prophetic ministry in the Pentecostal movement. I realize most of our organizations are mostly pastoral organizations, but gentlemen, Apostolic Pentecostals do NOT have a One-fold ministry! You never hear of the priests rising up against the false prophets of Baal in the days of Elijah! Why is that? I’ll tell you why…the guy in charge was backslidden! Let that sink in.

And he came thither unto a cave, and lodged there; and, behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and he said unto him, What doest thou here, Elijah? And he said, I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away. And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?  And he said, I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts: because the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away. And the LORD said unto him, Go, return on thy way to the wilderness of Damascus: and when thou comest, anoint Hazael to be king over Syria: And Jehu the son of Nimshi shalt thou anoint to be king over Israel: and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah shalt thou anoint to be prophet in thy room. And it shall come to pass, that him that escapeth the sword of Hazael shall Jehu slay: and him that escapeth from the sword of Jehu shall Elisha slay. Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him. So he departed thence, and found Elisha the son of Shaphat, who was plowing with twelve yoke of oxen before him, and he with the twelfth: and Elijah passed by him, and cast his mantle upon him. And he left the oxen, and ran after Elijah, and said, Let me, I pray thee, kiss my father and my mother, and then I will follow thee. And he said unto him, Go back again: for what have I done to thee? And he returned back from him, and took a yoke of oxen, and slew them, and boiled their flesh with the instruments of the oxen, and gave unto the people, and they did eat. Then he arose, and went after Elijah, and ministered unto him.  1 Kings 19:9-21

And it came to pass, when the LORD would take up Elijah into heaven by a whirlwind, that Elijah went with Elisha from Gilgal. And Elijah said unto Elisha, Tarry here, I pray thee; for the LORD hath sent me to Bethel. And Elisha said unto him, As the LORD liveth, and as thy soul liveth, I will not leave thee. So they went down to Bethel. And the sons of the prophets that were at Bethel came forth to Elisha, and said unto him, Knowest thou that the LORD will take away thy master from thy head to day? And he said, Yea, I know it; hold ye your peace. And Elijah said unto him, Elisha, tarry here, I pray thee; for the LORD hath sent me to Jericho. And he said, As the LORD liveth, and as thy soul liveth, I will not leave thee. So they came to Jericho. And the sons of the prophets that were at Jericho came to Elisha, and said unto him, Knowest thou that the LORD will take away thy master from thy head to day? And he answered, Yea, I know it; hold ye your peace. And Elijah said unto him, Tarry, I pray thee, here; for the LORD hath sent me to Jordan. And he said, As the LORD liveth, and as thy soul liveth, I will not leave thee. And they two went on. And fifty men of the sons of the prophets went, and stood to view afar off: and they two stood by Jordan. And Elijah took his mantle, and wrapped it together, and smote the waters, and they were divided hither and thither, so that they two went over on dry ground. And it came to pass, when they were gone over, that Elijah said unto Elisha, Ask what I shall do for thee, before I be taken away from thee. And Elisha said, I pray thee, let a double portion of thy spirit be upon me. And he said, Thou hast asked a hard thing: nevertheless, if thou see me when I am taken from thee, it shall be so unto thee; but if not, it shall not be so. And it came to pass, as they still went on, and talked, that, behold, there appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven. And Elisha saw it, and he cried, My father, my father, the chariot of Israel, and the horsemen thereof. And he saw him no more: and he took hold of his own clothes, and rent them in two pieces. He took up also the mantle of Elijah that fell from him, and went back, and stood by the bank of Jordan; And he took the mantle of Elijah that fell from him, and smote the waters, and said, Where is the LORD God of Elijah? and when he also had smitten the waters, they parted hither and thither: and Elisha went over. And when the sons of the prophets which were to view at Jericho saw him, they said, The spirit of Elijah doth rest on Elisha. And they came to meet him, and bowed themselves to the ground before him. 2 Kings 2:1-15

After a year of sitting on this blog I have decided to post it unfinished. Like the parabled Stone-soup, it can be added to. No message builds itself without intertwining into the life of the person it is being birthed in. No modern-day so-called group or licensed agency of pastors claiming to be an "extension of Levitical priesthood" will ever silence the voice of prophetic ministry among the true Body of Christ. You might silence it in your own organization, but it is shear heresy to preach the any one organization encapsulates the body of Christ. Let the chips fall where they will. I'm ready for the fight. Just pray the cloud from the fallout doesn't wipe out more souls than Chernobyl!

I pray that the prophetic ministry in the body of Christ will rise up as it did in the days of Elijah and anoint a few men with the oil of anointing and a Jehu spirit that will spare not and rise up to slay and destroy the Ahab and Jezebel spirits out of the kingdom of God that Jesus said would be in the last days church. There is no room for peaceful coexistence with those types of attitudes in spiritual political correctness of this last days church! Ahab was a backslidden, hard-headed, non-listening, reprobate, God-hating Oneness leader who chose to abuse the power of his office and let false prophets of Baal sit at the king's table!

Christ is not coming back for a church sitting on their duff "occupying until he comes." Check with our boys who just got back from Iraq and Afghanistan and see if they have the same complacent idea of the meaning of "occupy!" Sometimes you just have to suit up, arm yourself, kick open the door and go in guns red-hot and blazing.

Now if you will pardon me, I have a mantle to go catch that was promised to me 30 years ago.

By Their Fruits

For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit; neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. For every tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh. And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? Luke 6:43-46

Jesus Christ never minced words. When he called Herod a fox, he meant every word of it. When he called the Pharisees, Sadducees and scribes, “hypocrites,” he didn’t back up and say, “Oops, I didn’t mean that…let me find something more polite to label you!” Truth is truly never politically correct. He always said things exactly how he meant them.

My former pastor was notorious for similar statements, especially, “If He can’t say NO, you can’t say Lord!” In this case it is very fitting. He was very shoot-from-the-hip and blunt. We love him for it still to this day.

I’ve spent the evening in church last night and talking to a friend of mine who has more insight into people that is even believable at times. Things I endured in my life the past 8 years came slamming back this morning. Things talked about, conversations, body language that people used in the past, their actions, all of them started clicking together like pieces in a puzzle.

My friend thinks that Apostolic preachers are “empaths” because they are so in-tune with things around them, be it people or the Holy Ghost. She’s yet to admit that God could ever talk to a preacher, let alone a man or woman, we’re working on her. She does however believe in angelic and demonic activity!

So often I’ve forgotten things in God’s word that could have made my life a whole lot easier. Recent dealings with someone that I opened my heart to and fell in love with ended disastrously when they began to lie to me repeatedly. She said she wanted “spiritual guidance,” but Stone’s first law of spiritual leadership is “I can’t lead where you don’t follow.” I told her this repeatedly. She asked me to attend a denominational church with her that even if I’d been totally backslid would not have fed me spiritually. After 2-3 services that wasn’t working for me. She complained that I wasn’t going with her and I told her that I had a church she should attend. Four services later she had been baptized in Jesus name and filled with the Holy Ghost…unfortunately, at that point all growth stopped.

I don’t know how it is for you, I’m patient with new converts, but there comes a time with me when people do things that even non-Christians would do I begin to questions their actions, their honesty and their intentions. I’m not a judgmental person. I believe in working with everyone and meeting them at the point of their needs, hurts or trouble. Being honest with myself though, some people simply do not want help or see that they have a problem. It was the case with this young woman.

She projected the image of having it all together when we first met, even telling me that she was the kind of woman that I needed, educated, successful, stable, everything she said my ex-wives were not. However, after a few emotionally charged incidents, things changed almost like flipping a light switch and I realized I was dealing with something I had often dealt with in the past...An identical something.

She began to lie to me, first about small things. First she would tell me I said something or did something I did not do. Always an agreeable person, I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt since we’d only been seeing each other and hanging out a few months. It wouldn’t be the first time I had ever told someone something then realized that the person I had told had been a previous date, or friend from church. This however quickly spiraled into something far more drastic. Soon everything I said was supposed to be “being critical” of her. I was supposed to always be “changing my story” when we would discuss past issues. These issues quickly became present issues, because no matter how often we tried to “talk things out,” she would never drop them and no amount of apologizing ever ended the matter. The next time we talked, she would bring them up again, and again, and again.

I started making it a point never to talk about previous relationships yet almost every time she would bring something up to channel the conversation back into that vein, or what I found she would deliberately misquote something said, simply to get me to correct them…then quickly tell me I was interrupting her. At one point she told me she was suicidal and wanted to kill herself. I immediately told her I wasn’t letting her out of my site and she agreed to stay with me.

She went to the barbershop and store with me that evening and she did not take off on her own, but she stared off into space like a zombie the entire time and then threw up in a bag in the car on Quantico…and I began to realize a little of what I was dealing with. Then when she went to work she vanished. A call to her command pretty much left me wondering when they did not forward the word of her threat up the command chain. Two days later she was back, telling me the person who took my call “knew her very well and knew she’d never do that,” so they didn’t notify the command. Those of you who have had military or government training in suicide awareness and training, know that this is a big no-no! You always forward suicidal threats up the chain of command.

She moved to a new apartment and first she lied to me and told me she was with an old roommate and it wasn’t costing her anything. A week later she forgot what she told me and said she was paying $2000 a month for an efficiency apartment…basically a hotel room. Other little lies followed, and being a former Marine NCO, I have great attention to detail when people talk to me. Then she lied to me about one of her friends, claiming she had never dated him. I knew it was a lie, and her friends quietly told me that she would go nuclear on them if she found out they told me...but yes they knew the guy that she claimed was just an old roommate, and they had dated. Then she later told me we weren't going to Missouri and Colorado together to meet each other's families and when I asked she  said she was traveling alone. Another lie. At this point, I figured God doesn't reveal anything unless he plans to deal with it.

None of this was what I expected of a new convert who has just received the Holy Ghost, and although I know God doesn’t make us robots when we come to him, I’m pretty sure we all have a conscience. The thing about it is when I confronted her about the lies, she got angry and said she couldn’t believe I would call her a liar! No apology. No remorse. No repentance…nothing, but anger that I would even accuse her of something so obvious. I spoke to my parents about it and they told me to watch her eyes and body language, knowing I had been married to a woman in Florida who was mentally and emotionally ill. I didn’t realize back then just how ill until after I got out of the situation and met a friend of mine who worked as a therapist with mentally ill patients.

Over dinner one Sunday afternoon (long dinner…I think we were there for 6 hours) we talked and Karin wanted to know all about my past. She tells me she never really turns off, she’s always diagnosing people. I told her everything that I had been through and pretty much left out no major details and when I finished she told me, “Les, they were borderlines. Every single relationship you have been in has been with a borderline.” She told me she was diagnosing me the entire time we ate dinner and talked and it was actually interesting. I learned a lot about myself and my exs!

I had no idea what she meant by “borderline” then, but since then I have learned a lot. That was nearly a year ago. At that time she told me she wanted to know what about these kinds of women attracted me or what it was about me that attracted them. Finally she told me that female borderlines (borderline personality disorder) are attracted to strong male role models, successful, mature, protective, loving, affectionate…a daddy figure. They keep weak, spineless men around as their close friends, because they can manipulate them easily, but they want a strong daddy figure in their life too...as long as they don't get too close.

I figured her male friend who was drummed out of the Navy for being overweight and unable to hack it in even Navy PT, and unable to get or keep a job while he mooched off of her for the few years they were roommates...probably fit the weak-minded male roll Karin told me about that BPs tend to keep around them...and she told me that because I was too much of a Marine and wasn't willing to be manipulated she had bitten off more than she could chew and was running before her house of cards tumbled down...now that I had talked to several of her friends and family members about the BPD disorder. All her projections of a "perfect" life she tried to project to others was tumbling down around her. She told me the panic she was experiencing was normal when I told her about her calling and making the accusation about her mail being rerouted.


Karin likened a Borderline's closest friends to week-minded drones, basically people without two brain-cells to rub together, or easily influenced. They like to portray their selves as powerful people, but it's all just a facade. They desire power, but never really obtain it. It's just smoke and mirrors, thus the reason for them bailing the first time a BP get's near someone who knows what they really are. Karin told me that they won't get help or seek help from man or from God...unless something traumatic happens to them and they suffer a great loss. Whether an injury, losing a family member they've known for a long time, or a nervous breakdown, something has to force them to get help. They will not seek it of their own accord while they can still try to maintain their smoke and mirror projection of being in total control of their lives. That's sad.

BPs, like Sharon, have a "God complex" that makes them have to be in control of everything...and Sharon had already admitted to me that she had anger issues and was rebellious and had to always be in control of her situations. They perceive admitting they have a problem or seeking help, or even asking God to heal them as a weakness. Sadly, that's the only way they can be healed. I think that if they could focus their drive for control at throwing their need at the feet of Christ he would heal them instantaneously.

Karin told me that borderlines (75% are female) were traumatized in their childhood, usually between 3-9 years old, by sexual or physical abuse or abandonment. Something in them shuts off and they turn off their emotions. Unlike an adult who endures a traumatic experience, our emotions are mature and we learn to only close out people who are strangers or have harmed us, not those we love. We don’t blame others for something someone else did to us. Borderlines can’t do that. Once turned off as a child, their emotions never grow beyond the age they were at when they were traumatized. I’d been told this same thing by Norris, a counselor in Florida I talked to about my ex-wife. Molested at 9 and physically, emotionally and mentally abused, she had snapped and even as an adult she could not control her rages, often physically assaulting her kids, my kids, and me.

With the current girlfriend, I asked Karin about the lying and she told me they can’t help their selves. “Borderlines do that, Les. That’s all they know.” I can’t even give an exhaustive list of all the behaviors I’ve witnessed, but constant false accusations, mind games, lies, manipulations, belittling, ignoring other people’s feelings, are all tools of the trade for borderlines. Lies are the least of their deck of cards.

BPD splitting is one of their main characteristics of borderlines. It’s a switch between idealizing and demonizing others. In other words they either hate or love you, and can’t seem to accept anything in between as “normal.” It’s the whole “I hate you, don’t leave me,” reaction. That combined with mood swings tend to undermine relationships with friends, family and co-workers. Untreated, the symptoms worsen. Below are other listed symptoms from psychcentral.com. They want to rename the disorder to Emotionally unstable personality disorder. Either way, the results are the same. Parents (of both sexes) were typically reported to have withdrawn from the child emotionally, and to have treated the child inconsistently. Sad, I know.

• Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
• A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
• Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self
• Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
• Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
• Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
• Chronic feelings of emptiness
• Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
• Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms  from http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/symptoms-of-borderline-personality-disorder/

I mentioned in a previous blog of being called yesterday and being accused of rerouting her mail from another state back to Virginia. I was taken completely aback by the ludicrous allegations until I realized she actually meant it!

I’m generally sensitive to people’s needs, but having been married before to a borderline, I know they have no remorse whatsoever. Like King Saul, they can turn on the tears one minute and try to pin you to the wall with a javelin the next. There is no consideration to the consequences of their actions. They do not care who they hurt. Emotionally they are so detached that you can sit and tell them that what they are doing is hurting you and they will give not a single acknowledgement to what you said or what they are doing…then walk away and continue doing it!  I’m shocked to my core when I see a person professing Christianity blatantly do things that violate God’s word with impunity but if you look into the Word of God you see why.

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness; Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: Romans 1:18-20

And when you see how they do not want to even consider that their actions are against the scriptures, you see why they are the way they are.

And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. Romans 1:280-32

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith. But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as theirs also was. 2 Timothy 3:1-9

Without natural affection…that flabbergasts me. When I look and see that Paul in the word of God almost 2000 years ago knew that the world in the last days was going to be a royal mess, it blows my mind. The word of God is so transparent. Having dealt with 4-5 borderlines in my life I still find the drama and lack of emotions among them totally amazing. I remember how empty sounding the threats were now, the suicidal statements sounded hollow. It wasn’t until I talked to Karin that I realized that generally they weren’t suicidal…although without treatment they can end up that way.

I’d spent weeks reading relationship books like, Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Bringing Out The Best In Your Wife, by H. Norman Wright, and The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman. In addition to my daily Bible reading, I’ve been a very busy man trying to “learn what I wasn’t doing right” in my communication with women…until Karin told me bluntly, “Les, you aren’t the problem. You communicate fine.”

I felt like I wasted months, even years of my life, right then. I’d wasted my time trying to communicate with someone who doesn’t want to communicate beyond a superficial level…because communication builds knowledge and knowledge is power…and borderlines will never allow you any power. To know them is to know that they have problems, and that to them is the chance to destroy them or hurt them. They will not leave their self vulnerable and that’s what love does! They won’t allow it. For almost 5 months I beat my head against that wall. They won’t let anyone know they aren’t perfect and topple their long maintained house of cards. To them emotions mean pain and they can’t and won’t allow their selves that vulnerability.

In this case, no matter how beautiful, gentle and tender of an image this girl presented, I had to realize it was all a façade. Borderlines learn how to hide their disorder. They will go to any lengths to keep anyone from not only finding out that they are borderline, but to keep you from telling anyone they know about it or forcing them to get treatment or help.

I know this from personal experience. The first time I tried this in Florida 7 years ago the woman physically assaulted me, attacked my girls and then filed false charges against me to try and get me put in prison for something she did. She lied to our pastor continuously for 3 years, turning on the tears to get him to back away from the truth of the situation and manipulate him…then she’d come home and beat me and the kids brutally.

Later on after a “time of repentance” she attacked the kids again and that was the last straw. At the direction of an Army chaplain at my unit and my local pastor, I turned her in to Florida DCF. Two days later she filed for divorce and other than in court I never saw her again. Her father called me a few days later and apologized to me, saying his daughter was broken irreparably before he met her at 15 years old. He told me if he had known me before hand he would have warned me not to marry her. It had been 18 years since he had seen her and he’d never even met his grandchildren!

Regardless of the issues, disorders, or past trauma, Christians have the responsibility to obey the word of God. Lying, deceit, abusive behavior is not condoned by the word of God. Christ spoke specifically of this to John in Revelation stating no one who does those things will ever enter heaven.

And he saith unto me, Seal not the sayings of the prophecy of this book: for the time is at hand. He that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let him be holy still. And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last. Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie. I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star. Revelations 22:10-16

I will continue praying and fasting that something will break in their lives and that God will grant them a chance to come to repentance. Ultimately the choice is theirs.

The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

Flashbacks of Another Time, Another Place

Today I got a call that took be back 4-6 years. I’d barely gotten a blog posted when someone I care about dearly, called me accusing me of forwarding their mail from Colorado to Virginia. Yes, I know people normally don’t do stuff like that but she has a situation that is getting ready to spin out of control in her life. Her emotions are random and totally out of control.

I’ve been gone on vacation for two weeks, driving all over Missouri and Alabama and have barely been home four days and haven’t even opened all of my own mail. I have no desire, need or motive to reroute someone else’s. I haven’t even been to the DNRP office to start getting my home on the market yet for sale. I’ve been too busy and when I get home at night I’m too tired to try and go anywhere or do anything. I haven’t even set down to a decent meal since Sunday down in Alabama. I’m living on tea and water basically.

I hate seeing someone I care about tailspin out of control emotionally, but there is nothing I can do physically for them. I’m doing the only thing I can do, pray and fast and seek God’s face for an emotional healing for her. I’ve been through this before…the exact same thing down in Florida. I also have another friend with the same disorder, but she is currently getting help and therapy. It’s not really treatable unless they want to get help…or unless God intervenes and heals them. At least the later is going to visit an Apostolic church and seek God for a healing.

A friend of the former told me to cut off communication and I had to an extent, only forwarding necessary information about mail being misrouted to my house and praying with or for them. The last two phone calls were completely hateful and bristling with a desire to find fault and cause strife. I’ve chosen not to respond in kind, keeping a calm voice, explaining I have nothing to do with their issues, mail, etc. They told me they don’t trust me, and I can’t help that. I’ve made close friends, ministers and family available to them to talk to and get to know more about me from those who know me best, but someone with emotional trust issues isn’t going to trust someone they’ve met and gotten to know, let alone a stranger they haven’t met! Honesty is key and unfortunately I have not received that in the past from this person. Even in talking to me today they revealed they had lied to me in the past. It hurts, but I also know it is part of their emotional hurt. Not pain. Not fear. It is simply what they do because of their disorder.

Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh. Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door. Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience. Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy. But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation. James 5:8-12

James knew that if we lied about something or held a grudge against our brother we would fall into condemnation…not just with them but with God. We have no prerogative in the word to hold a grudge against someone. Nor do we have a right to lie to, for, or against someone.

I’ve cut off contact with them and all I can do is pray that God will heal them before their situation gets worse, because every time God has dropped a borderline in my path, it was only a short time before they rejected the healing and restoration of God and spiraled out of control. God doesn’t reveal anything unless he plans to deal with it. You can play mind games with man, but you can’t play mind games with God!

http://www.bpdcentral.com/resources/basics/games.shtml